I've been boring most everyone about this silly craft project im taking on. And after months of waiting, and waiting, I got it in the mail today.

make your own working paper clock

now with the pages of the book sacrificed with an X-acto knife, glue and a few household items this thing works. Mcguiver would be proud. Lets just see if I can get thru it.


a tiny example of why im intimidated

i'm always amazed at the way so many people--including myself--are thoroughly captivated by every new episode of Lost even though so little happens in each one. actual plot points are presented slowly in exchange for character development. this week's episode was actually advertised as having "things that happen." it hardly helps that so much is given away in the previews.

a few things did indeed happen in last night's episode, but i wouldn't consider it overly eventful. *SPOILER* the two interesting things were the blacklight-revealed symbols on the wall (i'm sure all the forums are packed with screen shots and theories) and the weirdass bunch of food that apparently parachuted in from the heavens. there was some amazing suspense surrounding the seemingly random Locke-down in the hatch while the balloon guy ran loose and found himself in charge of the numbers.

so if you were put off by the couple of recent fruity, semi-shark-jumping episodes, it's time to come back for the action. due to me catching another awfully spoiling preview, i know at least one significant thing will happen next week. at least ONE!

I should've done this sooner. Stop what your doing and change the channel to Sci-Fi right now, because we're in for a treat.

The new season of Ghost Hunters is premiering tonight. I don't know if you've seen the show before, but this isn't your tacky witness-tells-a-story-and-we-get-a-cheesey-recreation ghost story show (like the ones on the Travel channel). These guys go to actual haunted locations and use state-of-the-art equipment to determine the existence of paranormal activity.

Some folks have their America's Next Top Model, others have their American Idol. For me, I'll take Ghost Hunters any day. Yeah, it's a reality show--yeah, some of the set up stuff appears scripted--but the investigations are the real deal. And while many episodes end with logical explanations and no proof of the paranormal, others feature some pretty freaky stuff that just can't be explained.

For example...

Who ya gonna call?

I've never played more than a few seconds of Kingdom Hearts I. I cheerfully described it to my friends and told them to purchase it, but I never bought it. The opening irritated me, much like that time I tried on a thong.


This one, however, has captured my attention. Not only does it use current and former disney films, but it uses some of the best. The first ever Disney film, Steamboat Willie...


But also one of the greatest epics ever known to man. TRON! Words can't describe my excitement upon seeing Donald and Goofy in Tron outfits. I may have to purchase a playstation 2 on the eve of the Playstation 3 premiere if only to play Kingdom Hearts II.


Having played the game, I have to admit, it captured me. I will be playing it every chance I get. The gameplay is fun, as expected in a Final Fantasy type game, and the imagery is so beautiful. The music is pretty good too. You might recognize some of the voices, Haley Joel Osment, Christopher Lee, Will Friedle (voice of Batman Beyond) and a couple of others, like Zach Braff, Bruce Boxleitner (TRON!). I can't wait to play more!

Friday Nights on Food Network

If there's anything that can be said about Hollywood, it's that the industry has completely over saturated the market with garbage. Whether it's poorly animated CGI films (Hoodwinked), B-rated horror flicks (Slither) or recycled action/adventure rip-offs (Ultraviolet), there's just so many movies going out that people are being fooled into believing are any good.

In the case of V for Vendetta however, we have a film that is not only entertaining on the action level, but is also a philosophical masterpiece, a fictional allegory for the things happening today.

The formula for V for Vendetta begins with a 1988 ten-issue comic book published by DC Comics Vertigo branch. But instead of creating a total piece of comic book-to-big screen crap, the movie was blessed with a screenplay written by the Wachowski brothers. Whether the movie kept true to the story, I cannot be sure--that's for a veteran V fan to decide.

In an alternate Britain future, the government has taken a totalitarian approach to controlling its citizenry, and it takes the abilities of a masked-man and the determination of a young woman to help bring the Big Brother dictatorship to its knees.

You know the symbolism and philosophies the Wachowski's featured in their Matrix trilogy--and that same kind of imagery is evident in V for Vendetta.

Hugo Weaving had a challenge acting as V because of the mask, yet his talent as an actor allowed him to use subtle movements to emphasize V's dialogue. And Natalie Portman's acting is much MUCH better than her belabored performance in Revenge of the Sith (And, might I add, the shaved head? Hotness.).

Then there's the whole metaphor that V for Vendetta holds--as a metaphor for the United States and our own power-driven President. In this form, V for Vendetta opens a window of possibilities in our own world. While some may view this as radical liberalism it does raise some legitimate questions. It makes you think.

And maybe that's what makes this movie rank higher than all the other Hollywood trash--because it's not just another waste of celluloid.

"If you die in the game, you die in real life."

you may have seen previews for yet another your-entertainment-media-can-kill-you movie. we've had killer VHS tapes (so much creepier than DVDs), homicidal websites, and now Stay Alive addresses video games.

a group of teenagers finds a survival horror video game, a la Silent Hill and whatnot, and decides to play it. i have no idea who might have published this title or whether Jack Thompson has anything to say about it, but a copy exists nonetheless.

the game is also somehow connected to the death of the kids' friend. okay. so they stick the game into their XBOX (i'm assuming due to the context... it could very well be an Atari Lynx for all i know) and off they go. at first i thought the kids went INTO the video game, but thankfully it isn't quite that stupid. you're only allowed to do that crap if you're Freddy Krueger equipped with a Power Glove. yes, he killed someone that way. instead, if their character in the video game is killed, a kid dies in the same way. hopefully the game isn't Mortal Kombat... i don't know if i could handle seeing a B-movie computer-generated version of a Spin Rip.



ah, based on the graphics, it's a PS1 at best. the PS1 IS known as the scariest system ever (didn't you know that?) so perhaps that's a good sign.

i am actually glad the cheesey horror genre has survived, but this is one flick i think i'll miss for a while. reviews encouraged.

i bet next time you play Mario, you'll be more careful about jumping over those piranha plants.

I'm going to New York next weekend to see Dream Theater play at the Radio City Music Hall. I'm taking a plane there, from Detroit to New York. I just hope, god, I hope there are no snakes on the plane

If you are not yet aware of the wonder of snakes on a plane, you are missing out. Here's the pitch. People are on a plane. Snakes break out of cages. Big fight! It's genius! And the name? The title? Snakeflight? Aspline? Rattleplane? NO! You would be wrong if you guessed any of these! WRONG! It is called SNAKES ON A PLANE! It must have taken a marketing genius some 3, maybe 4 minutes to come up with that!

I am constantly in awe at hollywood. And the best part? SAMUEL L. JACKSON KICKING SNAKE ASS!

I've never been on a plane before, so I'm moderately nervous. Couple that with my fear of poisonous snakes somehow escaping and being fully functional in a pressurized environment as well as angry and willing to bite anyone within reach and it's a nightmare scenario. The only thing worse is if there were somehow spiders, scorpions, maggots and jellyfish loose at the same time! Or sharks. SHARKS ON A PLANE!

I need to go to Hollywood.

i hoped this day would never come. this is the first time in my life i have wanted a Bobblehead Doll. but who better to bring that pain than the chaps in Monty Python?



ThinkGeek :: Monty Python Mini Bobble Heads

Okay, I know this isn't the normal ranting about Nintendo, random electronics, or other nerdy things, but it means something to me.

This year was the first annual World Baseball Classic, a tournament that I hope continues every year till I die.

What made this year especially interesting were the upsets that were pulled. Mexico and Canada both beat the United States in it's own game! But my personal favorite was the tense showdown between Korea and Japan. It wasn't because of my affinity for all these Japanese, no, it was because of Korea and Japan's love for the game of baseball. The two nations are religiously devoted to baseball, and I knew a game between the two would make fireworks scream accross the sky, blowing up into a brilliant spectacle for all to see! Bear in mind Korea was the underdog!

The Games:
Game 1: Korea 3, Japan 2
Game 2: Korea 2, Japan 1
Game 3: Korea 0, Japan 6

Korea played a remarkable 3 games against Japan, but they couldn't clinch a game when it really counted. I took a 250 mile journey to San Diego to see the Semifinal game and was SHOCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEDDDDDDDDDDDDDD to see the kind of support I saw for Korea! They were unified, enthusiastic, and they made the whole stadium tremor. They chanted "Dae Han Min Gook" which, depending on who you ask, means "Go Almighty Korea" or "Republic of Korea". Because Japanese fans were outnumbered 4 -1 I felt it was my duty to root for Japan. So with a loud and brave voice (And considering that I was easily outnumbered 10 - 1 in my section) I chanted "Nipon, Nipon, Nipon" which means "Japan". In the 7th inning, when the game almost got rained out (Oh yeah, rain didn't stop me suckas, I stayed, got drenched, and showed my support for Japan) all the Japanese fans rallied under flags and marched around the stadium chantingn "Nipon, Nipon, Nipon" which made the koreans bang their noise makers even louder, and even though they were down by 6 at this point, they never lost faith, and I must say I've never seen that much loyalty displayed by sportsfans ever!

Best Moment: First homerun in the fifth
Most Enthusiastic Fans: The Korean group of fans that brought trumpets and conducted songs
Favorite Bit of Madness: After the Korean defeat, they still act as though they had won and chant "Dae Han Min Gook" throughought the Gas Lamp District of San Diego, banging pots, pats, tambourines, blasting korean victory music from cars, and children on loudspeakers praising the Korean Team!
Favorite Player: Bum Hoe Lee as in Bumhole lee (Tee hee)

All in all, it was the best game I had ever been to ever!

For those interested the final game between Japan and Cuba will be played Monday at 6:00 P.M. PST.

World Baseball Classic Website
Good Baseball Blog

Thought we might play a bit of a game... we haven't had one in quite a long time. The name of the game is name the movie quote. I give you a quote, you name the movie. Simple enough. Answers are found at the end of the quote, highlight what's not there and you'll find the truth.

Round 1. Fight!

"If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit." Back to the Future

"Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place. " The Breakfast Club

"Viggy, Viggy, Viggy, you have been a bad monkey! " Ghostbuster II

"This is the captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight... turbulence and then explode. " Serenity

"God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs... " Jurassic Park

"Sharks are like dogs, they only bite if you touch their private parts." 50 First Dates

"You believe this guy? Come on, Ninja kick the damn rabbit! Do something!" Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

"Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the V.P. is such a V.I.P., shouldn't we keep the P.C. on the Q.T.? 'Cause if it leaks to the V.C. he could end up M.I.A., and then we'd all be put out in K.P. " Good Morning Vietnam!

"Look, spaghetti arms. This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine. You gotta hold the frame. " Dirty Dancing

"Uh, Lord, hallowed be Thy name. May our feet be swift; may our bats be mighty; may our balls... be plentiful. Lord, I'd just like to thank You for that waitress in South Bend. You know who she is - she kept calling Your name. And God, these are good girls, and they work hard. Just help them see it all the way through. Okay, that's it. " A League of Their Own

this looks just like me. yes... yes, it does.

p.s. you should also drink.

bonus content: Leprechaun cam

click me for mindless cat stunts

You've all heard of Michael Moore, the man responsible for the video Fahrenheit 9/11. Recently, a new forerunner of the WTC/Pentagon conspiracy theory has been brought to my attention.

A group known as Loose Change has put together a documentary focusing on the "oddities" found within the 9/11 timeline. I'm not going to comment on any of the videos findings in this post as everyone should come to their own conclusions on the matter.

The following link will take you to the google video clip, in case it's difficult to find on the original website. Loose Change 9/11 Second Edition

I never watched Fahrenheit 9/11 so this was my first take at the discrepancies that occurred between points A and B. It blew my mind. I have a feeling this may start a comment war, so if you're going to rant, feel free to do it in a post. Let us know what's on your mind.

All I have to say is, Marvin Bush?!?!

real news is generally scary and disheartening. we know that. that's why we change the channel to stick our heads in the sand and watch shows that look at the world's current issues under a brighter light. that's why we watch South Park.

South Park has basically run untethered for years. they present wonderful commentaries on real world events, bringing awareness while being amazingly goofy at the same time. you usually don't even realize you're watching something that often runs deeper than kids trying to crap out their mouths.

Isaac Hayes Quits "South Park" citing "'inappropriate ridicule' of religion."

what people are pointing out is that Hayes wasn't offended by years of humor and entire episodes dedicated to mocking the Catholic religions... not to mention Jesus and Satan themselves as recurring character seldomly behaving in a virtuous manner. every other common religion has come under fire in one way or another. of course, no one should be offended by a cartoon, even if it is brutally honest and accurate. but NOW, a few weeks following the Scientology episode that had me roffling as i'd never roffled before, he's throwing a fit.

"In ten years and over 150 episodes of 'South Park,' Isaac never had a problem with the show making fun of Christians, Muslim, Mormons or Jews," Stone said in a statement issued by the Comedy Central network.

"He got a sudden case of religious sensitivity when it was his religion featured on the show."

as you may recall, South Park initially seemeed to fall extra hard on Scientology. however, if you think about it, they were basically just showing us the facts. you can see a perfect clip of the "Scientology" episode, along with the closely related "Stan the Prophet", here: Comedy Central. the subtitle "THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE" hits it home. Scientology (or to a much higher degree celebrity Scientologists) makes itself look ridiculous.

i'm curious to see how South Park will approach this sad departure. will Chef die in some amazingly ironic way? will they use an obviously different voice actor to poke fun? will it be Chef hurling insanities at talk show hosts and Matt Lauer? is James Earl Jones busy? can't wait to find out.

"Goodbye, children."

(Preface - true story - i work in a petstore grooming salon - Val is my boss )



so Val took this little dog in when a good doer found him on the street. Four days later, that same good doer calls the owner when he sees the lost poster to inform her that he dropped off this little chihuahua at our store.

She was informed over the phone by Val that she has the dog, and will work out later that evening where to pick up the dog. a few minutes after the telephone call the owner and her angry friend were loudly expressing that we are breaking the law and she MUST fork over the dog within the hour. she (her friend) kept barking about an attorney she hired. Then I butted in and calmly told her the happenings of the week and unfortunately Val cant drop what she is doing to get your dog. But tonight you'll have him. Bitch friend then calls the cops

Then the owner started yelling. I spelled it out for her YOUR DOG IS GREAT! YOUR ARE GETTING HIM BACK. HE'S EVEN SEEN A VET. YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY THAT HE HAD SOMEONE AS KIND TO TAKE HIM IN

then she started crying.

an innocent customer witnessing this drama then talked her off of her emotional ledge.

the cops came, and bitch friend actually told the officer it was all a misunderstanding even before he got to hear the silly story. (that part did surprise me)

Later that evening Val's husband brought 'ChimiTOUNGEa' in and was reunited with happy go lucky owner with a handshake and a smile "im sorry im sorry im sorry, thank you thank you thank you." She even gave me permission to take Polaroids before 'Marvin' (our name ChimiTOUNGEa is better) got into mother's arms

I left out a lot of details in this story, most regarding threats and yelling. oh, and one of the managers taking this fiasco way too personally thinking all this was gonna come back to haunt HIM. I guess a few things could have been done differently on our side, but common. just keeping the dog out of the city pound was the idea.

Oh well.


As Reader's Digest puts it, "All in a day's work"

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Rumor has it the animated movie will be in theaters March 2007! Time to pull the enormous rubber suits out of the 80's section of your closet and order a pizza, DUDE!



How many of you played the Nintendo game seen above?? How many of you spent endless hours trying to rescue that silly girl by diving into sewers and facing horrible men that multiplied every time you slashed one with a sword?? And what WERE those flying things that bounced about the ceiling? Seriously, as if giant rats weren't enough.



Just so you know, Splinter's dead. I saw him on the street in NYC. Death by transit bus is not pretty.



Leonardo ALWAYS gets caught, damnit. If anyone needs me I'll be sewer surfing.

The Pirate AlphabetA: Ehhhhhhh? -- "What's that?"
B: Are -- as in "Be ye ready to surrender?"
C: Si, si! -- To a Spanish pirate, "Yes!"
E: Eeeeee! -- "Maaaaaaaaybe . . . "
I: Aye -- "Yes!"
L: 'Ell -- A destination, as in, "To L with you, matey!"
O: Oh! -- "Oh!"
Q: Queue -- A sailor's pigtail, usually tarred.
R: Arrrrrr! -- A general expression of glee.
T: Tea -- A very inferior substitute for grog.
Y: Why? -- To be said in a grumpy voice when the cap'n gives an order.
Z: Zee -- To a French pirate, "the."

I've never purchased anything from a convenience store that needed heating immediately in the first place, but good lord this would stop me dead in my tracks from ever using their appliances again. Makes you wonder what's in the slurpee machine. Shudder.

(Plus I got sick of looking at the monkey in drag doing the hoola.)

Oddly Enough, you can get that urine to go!

PITTSBURGH - A man and woman were cited Friday in connection with a bizarre incident that resulted in a fake penis being microwaved at a convenience store last week.

Leslye Creighton, 41, of Wilkinsburg, and Vincent Bostic, 31, of Pittsburgh, were both cited for criminal mischief and disorderly conduct in the Feb. 23 incident at the Get Go! gasoline and convenience store in McKeesport, about 10 miles east of Pittsburgh.

Each charge carries a possible sentence of up to 90 days in jail and up to a $300 fine.

Bostic had filled a fake penis with his urine that Creighton, a friend, planned to use to pass a drug test she was taking to get a job, Police Chief Joseph Pero said.

Creighton asked a store clerk to microwave the device so the urine inside would be body-temperature and fool those giving the drug test, Pero said.

Police still aren't sure why or how Creighton chose to use a device that mimics the male sex organ to pass her drug test.

Creighton didn't immediately return a call to her home on Friday.

Defense attorney William Difenderfer didn't dispute the police account, but said there's no proof his clients had any criminal intent to damage the microwave — the basis for the criminal mischief charge.

"I certainly understand the ramifications and I'm certainly not saying it wasn't a stupid thing to do," Difenderfer said. "But there's a lot of bizarre stuff that we don't always have a remedy for in the crimes code."

Difenderfer said his clients want to settle the case, in part, by reimbursing the store for a new microwave oven.

Pero said the store got rid of the old oven because it couldn't be used for food once bodily fluids were cooked inside it.

Neither Difenderfer nor Pero know what kind of job the woman applied for, or whether she was hired.