Someone's Insane, alright.

Lets use the good old internet and find out exactly what INSANE means, shall we?

1. An obsolete term used colloquially to describe a person with a psychotic disorder. Now a legal term applied by the courts to a person who, because of mental disease or developmental disability, is unable to appreciate the wrongfulness or criminality of his or her conduct at the time of an offense, or in some jurisdictions, is unable to control his or her actions.

2. Selectively perceptive.

3. In most criminal jurisdictions, a degree of mental malfunctioning sufficient to relieve the accused of legal responsibility for the act committed.

The scientific world has abandoned the term "insanity" all together, for the judicial system has abused it in such a way that NO ONE can pin an actual definition to the word.

You know, if you've watched this horrible excuse for a human being on television interviews, you're going to see a high level of sanity. She sits and speaks rationally, going over her list of objectives the day she killed her babies.

One. At. A. Time.

She explains that she knew she had to wait for her husband to leave for work, and knew that she only had a one hour "window of opportunity" to complete the task before her mother-in-law showed up. Then she describes the act of chasing down each child as they tried to escape her, and systematically drowning them in the bath tub.

That's a plan, folks. A rational, organized, well-thought-out plan.

The first jury found her guilty. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. But we have these wonderful second chances called "appeals" for those who don't agree with their verdict. She's sane enough to know she was found guilty, and request an appeal. I'd think insane folks wouldn't know one way or the other that they were found guilty.... hell they're insane they might not even care.

Apparently the second jury was out to lunch. She killed her kids, she must be insane! Stick her in a crazy house for a bit of time and every two years she can go in front of a board and they'll determine if she's "SANE" yet, so she can be released to participate with the rest of this "crazy" world.

Angry. So Very Angry. ARGH! There are so many people in this world that would have loved to take those babies off her hands. This woman better pray they never find her sane in the nut house, because if they do and she gets out, someone's going to recognize her on the street and kill her.

But don't worry... they can just plead temporary insanity. I'm sure they'll get off scott free too.

i loved Clerks II. there, you heard it, straight from your resident Kevin Smith fanatic. it was great in all the ways i expected, from the esoteric references to the dirty jokes to the true relationships between characters. it made me envy the convenience store experience, and that's quite an accomplishment.

Im a big Clerks fan. I stopped counting how many times I've seen the first movie after 80. My opinion of second installment was splendid. This was the first movie that I witnessed most of the folks in the theater came to see it alone. For once I wasn't the only one.



Because I'm the Self Proclaimed e301 TV critic, not movie critic, I'll keep my review short and sweet.
Kevin made sure to please the hard core fans by peppering in lots of the first movie jokes, but I was way pleased with the new ones.
Not to ruin ANYTHING for those who haven't seen it, (WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T YOU?!) try to keep the potty breaks to a minimum so's not to miss : the cameos like Jason Lee, the AWESOME debate over Lord Of The Rings versus Star Wars trilogys (Randal's imitation was perfection), tear jerking speeches (yes, I had to wipe a tear or two), and the very surpising Musical Number.
Like every movie on the planet, by the end of it's ninety minutes, all loose ends were tied. I was the only one left in the theater thru the end credits. They only really missed lots of cool thank yous.
Lastly, a note to the writer.

Dear Kevin, I beg for a Clerks trilogy.

Kevin Smith Gets Critical - Jul 19, 2006 - E! Online News

Siegal walked out of the Clerks II critics screening sometime during a donkey discussion. he shouted some unkind words and caused a big hooplah. that's almost as goofy as people being offended by Dogma. i mean, there's a poop monster in it.

some awesome responses from Kevin: silentbobspeaks.com

the movie opens tomorrow!

it's time to step away from the funnies for a moment and do some more venting.

so you may have read that our lovely president said "shit" on live tv yesterday. there's even video of his off-handed remark made while he chewed some cud. http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fg-bushtalk18jul18,1,7695647.story?coll=la-headlines-world

my complaint is not with the swearing. as a member of the Archie Bunker School of Goofiness, i feel everyone should say whatever they wish, on tv or otherwise. and a president who can speak candidly shows he's at least somewhat of a real person. whoa, i just said something positive about Bush... sorta.

my complaint is with this whole FCC-crazy country we live in. censorship is running rampant and huge fines are being collected. why? all because a few nutjobs are too stupid to change the channel if something offends them. and how the hell would anybody be bothered by a word? a WORD that they simply HEAR!

i'm wondering if any fines will be issued for Bush's little slip. he certainly will not have any trouble, but i'd be angry if i was CNN, innocently broadcasting world events, and i got fined a quarter of a million dollars for the president's mistake. or will the madness continue as the FCC ignores this event and creates even more inconsistencies in their world domination? there is humorous karma in the president swearing on tv after being in such high support of FCC regulations.

WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT: the 4-letter-word story is stealing a lot of attention from the fact that President Bush will likely be giving his first veto. not just any veto... the most ridiculous and hateful veto in the history of the world.

the bill involves altering the current grotesquely illogical ban on stem cell research. the change will state that embryos that would be left over from fertilization treatments and *thrown away anyway* could be given to scientists studying stem cells to cure major diseases and physical problems. it has passed in the House and will pass in the Senate, and the majority of the public agrees with stem cell research. but Bush says no, he'd rather see embryos tossed in the trash than used to possibly save millions of people from death or a difficult life. i haven't read the bill to the letter, but that's how the story goes. what's more immoral: indirectly killing hundreds of thousands or utilizing, rather than wasting, pre-human cells that are on their way to the trashbin otherwise? http://today.reuters.com/investing/financeArticle.aspx?type=bondsNews&storyID=2006-07-18T171054Z_01_N18416322_RTRIDST_0_CONGRESS-STEMCELLS.XML

this isn't pleasant, but the karma just might continue for Bush. sometime in the future, he may get cancer and realize the difference scientific research could have made to cure him. i would bet if he was given an opportunity to trade his own death for a handful of cells, he'd jump on it. so would all the Catholic conservatives.

A proclamation to the computer illiterate masses,

There comes a point in time where men and women must stand up for truth and justice, prevent the would be tyranny of the tyrannical, and annihilate the seemingly invincible juggernauts of ignorance. This is one such time.

Unfortunately, you have challenged the sovereignty of our great race (The computer savy/nerds/geeks/literate.) on nearly every front, from office printers to home computers. It is in an effort to prevent an undesirable and blood drenched war that we make the following demands:

1: When at your place of employment, you leave web design to web designers.
2: You stop downloading illegal music filled with viruses and then insist we waste an entire day removing viruses and reformatting your hard drive.
3: Not be offended when you are made fun of for your computer illiteracy if you are receiving unpaid help to fix your computer.
4: Complain your internet doesn't work when you don't have an ISP.
5: You not borrow from the large DVD and video game collection that is typical of most techno nerds and not return them, or return them in poor condition.
6: Most importantly, don’t assume I have force powers and can sense you’re about to swing your 7 dollar plastic light saber at my head.

Your immediate and unconditional compliance will enable a peaceful resolution to this conflict. Failure to comply will guarantee the publishing of a list of all the adult websites you have visited to a public blog, as well as transcripts of all your IM conversations. Elitist references will also increase by a factor of 9.

If you don't know about this fun site HumanClock.com is a fun site that shows pictures of people all over the world. Each minute shows a different picture depicting the correct time. I tried unsuccessfully to get experiment301 with the Vegas sign, but it never made it. (I guess you cant advertise) Well just us can pretend its there and 301 will have to do!

A neat piece of triva, humanclock.com's server actually runs off of an Atari2600. fancy that!

EDIT: Had this all typed up before I realized Paul had his take on Superman Returns posted up, so please, read his post first if you haven't yet because he makes a few good points on the film.

In THIS corner, weighing in at roughly 155 pounds and standing at a height of 5 feet 10 inches, without doubt the worst pirate you've ever heard of--but you HAVE heard of him--the incredible, the magnificent, the strangely arousing CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow!

And in THIS corner, weighing in at approximately 218 pounds and standing at an impressive 6 foot 3 inches, the Man of Steel himself! Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, capable of becoming the biggest dork with a single pair of glasses, it's SUPERMAN!

So, whether you're rooting for the pirate or the superhero, I'd say we're in for a good fight. Let's get it on!

First up: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. After Depp's wonderful performance in the first Pirates film, Dead Man's Chest was a welcome release just to enjoy the antics of Jack Sparrow alone. He's sly, he's cunning, he's surprising--he's a pirate. And if you don't like that, the girls can drool over Mr. Orlando Bloom--oh-so-dashing and debonair--and the lovely Kiera Knightly, whose accent makes her twice as hawt as she already is.

But enough of the fantasies, let's get down to business--spoiler free. Dead Man's Chest is a great film. Everything you loved about The Curse of the Black Pearl is here in this movie, not to mention the generous nods to the classic Disney attraction--more on that later--but let me first point out some of the faults Pirate's run aground on.

First, the story. Our more intelligent individuals will be able to keep up with the fast-paced plot well enough, but just as the first film was a little tough to follow, the second is three times as difficult to keep up with. Then there's the end of the film which isn't a bad ending at all--it just leaves some loose ends untied because, quite naturally, it's a set up for the third film, At World's End, which will be out next year just in time to compete with Spider-Man 3, naturally. There's certainly many things to be speculated upon, including the intriguing love triangle between Will, Elizabeth and Jack. And also the appearance of a character without clear explanation--it makes for a good film, but I'll still be scratching my head until this time next year.

I don't think Dead Man's Chest is as good as The Curse of the Black Pearl. I think that the first movie will forever be the best, but that doesn't mean Dead Man's Chest isn't worth your money and time. This is definitely a must see.

Props go to Johnny, who is as entertaining as always, and whomever was responsible for the CG work on Davy Jones because it's not often you can make a CG character display good emotion. And the Kraken is a nice touch--another nod to the theme parks, but not necessarily the rides, again, more on that later.

Oh yes, and the wonderful Abbot and Costello/Laurel and Hardy stylings of Lee Arenberg (Pintel) and Mackenzie Crook (Ragetti) who could probably have their own animated Saturday Morning Cartoon show on ABC if Disney were greedy enough--that would totally ruin that kudo--I hope they don't do that, now. I've jinxed 'em.

And a nod also to Gore Verbinski and his crew for some of the most incredible shots I've seen in movie-making, particularly the fight scene on the runaway waterwheel. When you see the shot, you'll know what I'm talking about. Anyways, thank you, Bruckheimer, for making the only attraction-based Disney film that DIDN'T suck... damn Eddie Murphy and damn Rob Minkoff...

But WAIT! Pirates isn't the only big time blockbuster out this summer, no! Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's... well, you get the picture.

There's something you need to know before we get any further: Superman Returns is basically Superman 5. It picks up after the end of Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, so brushing up on your 1980's Superman knowledge is advisable but not necessary to enjoy the film. Basically, Superman has been gone to what he believed were the remains of Krypton for many years and finally shows up only to find Lex Luthor up to his old tricks.

Okay, here's my biggest nitpick of the whole movie--and it's not that it's so incredibly long--Pirates had a pretty good-size length to it also. Superman Returns is simple. No complicated plot twists, no super surprises--well, perhaps one or two--really, the whole film follows the standard superhero formula.

And that's not necessarily a bad thing. I can't imagine Superman Returns is going to be the kind of incredible re-imagining that Batman Begins was--that's expecting FAR too much of ANY movie--but in its design and its execution, Superman Returns is, at its root, a GOOD movie, despite the simplicity of the situation, it's a GOOD movie. Not the greatest or the best, but good.

Again, the length will be challenging to those with small bladders and even smaller attention spans, but to see Brandon Routh as Superman flying, using his powers and generally saving the day, there's a good feeling there. Accompanied by the classic Superman score, the overall result really gets your blood pumping.

I love superhero movies, so Superman Returns was fun to watch, but I would've loved to see Superman get challenged more often to save the day.

So props go to Bryan Singer for doing the Superman franchise justice and not screwing it up--plus to James Marsden (a.k.a. Cyclops) who played a likable character as his role. Oh yeah, and Kevin Spacey for his Luthor--while I prefer the no-nonsense style of Lex from the animated series, Spacey did a fine job.

So, at the end of the battle, who will come out on top? While the real Jack Sparrow probably couldn't hold a candle to Superman, it seems that Disney's Pirates might just make off with the title of best summer film this year...

... and no, Snakes on a Plane doesn't come out August 18, so don't bug me about that one yet...

NAME: Sony Playstation 3
SIZE: 15 square miles
TARGET MARKET: Anybody that doesn't know what "E3" means

The Sony Playstation 3 was originally conceived as an entirely new continent. However, the disappointing surface area of the first several prototype models discouraged the executives, and it was then decided that the Sony Playstation 3 would simply become a supercopmuter, capable of reading lips and causing mass mayhem.

Several bloggers at the recent Electronics Entertainment Expo took note of the size of the Playstation 3, stating that the controls for the eighteen-wheeled power-supply-wielding vehicle were, at times, unresponsive, and, at other times, life-endangering.

The "Playstation" moniker was derived from the latin phrase "plaga statim," which refers to a disease from ancient Rome that was instantly contracted, and, at times, life-endangering (note: 'at times,' in this case, means 'always'). When afflicted, a person was required to etch "PS" in front of a crowded marketplace onto a nearby rock, followed by the number of strains of the disease he was currently carriying. In this case, "PS3" was a fairly good sign, because it meant that only those that came within ten feet of the afflicted individual would themselves be struck with disease.

The PS3 makes use of a Cell processor, which has less to do with cell phones than the average person might believe. The Cell processor was crafted by James E. Motion, creator of the ever-famous "emotion engine" that was featured within the Playstation 2. Many Sony critics note that, despite the presence of an "engine" within the Playstation 2, it was unable to drive anywhere. To quote one Sony fan: "The Emotion Engine owns anything your purple Nintendo Gamesquare can do. I drove it to work this morning." All Sony fans are liars.

Sony is including "Drummy, the DRM-powered Robot" with every console purchase. Hearkening back to the days of the Nintendo ROB, "Drummy" connects wirelessly to your PS3, and is used to enhance select game experiences. As an added bonus, "Drummy" will destroy any burned CDs and MP3 files you may have lying around your home. As "Drummy" puts his foot through your generic-brand television set, he will howl in pain and scream "you should've bought a Sony television" and "please stop emotionally terrorizing Drummy" and "please direct Drummy to any other non-Sony appliances." He will also leak oil onto your PS3 games, which cannot be replaced by warranty.

To top off the delicious sundae that is the PS3, Sony is throwing in a first-generation Blu-ray player, because, as the old saying goes, "always buy version 1 of everything!" Blu-ray is a wonderful new technology that will require you to purchase a new, high-definition television set (and why not a "Drummy"-approved SONY set?), because, as it is stated in the PS3's instruction manual: "Playing Blu-ray Discs on a standard-definition television is stupid." Blu-ray technology drives the price up an additional 200 dollars, which brings the final cost of the PS3 to "your firstborn child and 200 dollars."

There's also something about a motion-sensing controller, but they just told me about that right now.

So I saw Superman Returns.

I don't want to ruin it for anyone who hasn't yet seen it, so I'll just say it's like the superhero Passion of the Christ. He shows up, sacrifices himself, saves the world, dies, comes back, redeems us all. And yeah, they hammer it home just how Christ-like Superman is supposed to be. Not what I was looking for in a superhero movie.

I loved that they recreated famous scenes and covers from comics in the movie. Kate Bosworth's acting is like watching a terrible nightmare that doesn't end. Brandon Routh, who plays Superman, nails the role, but misses terribly as Clark. And the lack of chemistry between the two of them made it feel a little embarassing that they were supposed to have this great love. There were other things to like about it too, some of which I can't reveal without spoiling, so I'll just say that it's a 2/5 star movie.

In terms of summer movie, I think it'll be demolished by Pirates of the Carribbean: Dead Man's Chest.

I might end up seeing that this weekend, but I really want to see A Scanner Darkly, because I love Dick. I've got Dick at work right now, and I have so much Dick at home it makes my shelves bulge. Every should read Philip K. Dick, his paranoid science fiction is awesome. He wrote Blade Runner, Screamers, Total Recall and sadly, Paycheck, Minority Report and Replicant. The stories are far better than the movies, though, I swear.

And I'll probably be attending the Ypsilanti Elvisfest. If only to tell people that I attended.

Okay, here it is: a quick look at three of this summer's biggest movies and a brief review of each.

First up: Cars. Another Disney/Pixar CG film. If you haven't seen it by now, do yourself a favor and go see it.

Hot shot racecar rookie Lightning McQueen is fast, flashy and full of himself. After losing his way on the way to the big race in California, McQueen finds himself in a little run-down town of Radiator Springs on the long forgotten Route 66 and learns some lessons in friendship and respect and slowing down every once in a while--standard Disney feel-good fair.

Every CG film that comes out, whether on purpose or by accident, is often held accountable in terms of animation standards. When crap like this gets out into the world, it's necessary for animation aficionados to step up and call garbage when they see it--otherwise, people will come to accept sub-par animation without question and the studios will continue to produce garbage at cheap prices to reap in the profits of folks who don't know Miyazaki from Mickey Mouse.

On the other hand, there are films created by talented individuals that are truly artistic masterpieces as well as clever and entertaining. So if Toy Story was the first to set the standard for computer animation, Cars raises the bar yet again. In fact, there are scenes in cars that are just plain beautiful to watch--no plot progression, no dialogue or story to tell--just beautiful imagery that rivals the real deal. John Lasseter and the Pixar team really wanted to emulate the beauty of the old southwest highways and byways and they certainly succeeded.

In regards to story and characters, Cars is well written and the characters develop fairly decent. Compared to my expectations for The Incredibles, Cars exceeded good movie-making.

And whether you're a Larry the Cable Guy fan or otherwise, you'll grow to love Mater the tow truck.

By the way, Cars also has, by far, one of the most worthwhile credits sequences to sit through until the very end.

Next up is Nacho Libre--and I'll keep this simple: if you loved Napoleon Dynamite AND you love Jack Black, you're all set. Otherwise, don't waste your time.

Ignacio has lived at the monastery orphanage all his life, serving as the cook and not doing a very fine job at it. He longs to earn the respect that the Mexican luchadors bask in. So the movie tells of Nacho's struggle to become a great wrestler while at the same time seeking acceptance from his holy family. It's basically an underdog comedy.

Nacho Libre is like when you drink all the tequila and you eat the little worm at the bottom and you see strange visions--a bunch of random, crazy scenes with the characters in different situations that was supposed to congeal into a coherent story, but what else would you expect from a Nickelodeon movie?

Jack Black is the kind of guy who has his moments--truly humorous moments--and his expressions in the movie are silly enough to elicit a chuckle, but sometimes, it's almost as if he's trying to hard. In fact, the whole movie tries too hard to be funny.

If you've seen Napoleon Dynamite, you'll notice Jared Hess' very unique method of directing--particularly in character conversations (quick cuts between both conversing characters, looking dead-on) and the sometimes awkward silences that played well in Napoleon but are actually awkward in Nacho.

Basically, unless you meet the requirements I mentioned earlier (or you're high), you'll probably sit there wondering whatever happened to the guy who got a corn cob in the eye.

Yeah... I said it... you think about that...

Last, but not the least of the summer, is Click: another Happy/Madison production starring Adam Sandler that seems to follow the same basic formula of famous actor cameos, fart jokes and the sophomoric comedy that has become a Sandler trademark. But the commercials for the movie are deceiving.

Brief synopsis--Michael Newman (Sandler) is giving a universal remote control that remote controls his universe. And there's Christopher Walken. Oh, and Kate Beckinsale, too (hawtness).

The first half of the movie is standard silly stuff, but about halfway through the film takes a twist from a comedy to a drama and you'll suddenly find yourself watching a movie with a lesson a-la-Charles-Dickens-sleight-of-hand. When the movie critics said "You'll laugh, you'll cry," they were talking about Click.

Don't let the whole moral-of-the-story thing turn you off, Click is a film everybody should watch. Personally, I left the theater feeling pumped and good about myself. I'm pretty sure if you're open to it you will too.

And did I mention Christopher Walken? What more do you want?!

So thumbs up for Cars and Click, thumbs down for Nacho Libre. Now go watch!

I dont know exactly how to explain my rage over this. I guess I'll just let you read and build your own.


Schools ban the game tag