On October 1st, The Institute of Future Technology closes its doors forever.



Back to the Future: The Ride opened in May 1991 at Universal Studios Orlando, with cousins operating in Hollywood and Osaka. For 15 years the attraction has taken park guests on a wild motion-simulated ride. You visit Doc Brown's institute for a look at his time-traveling machine, but 1955 Biff shows up to steal the Delorean, so its up to you to stop him. Doc pilots your eight-seater Delorean via remote control as you chase Biff through Hill Valley in the future and past, hoping to bump him at 88 mph to send both vehicles back to the present.

The attraction is very much dated. The original design was unique: it featured two IMAX Dome screens with multiple eight-passenger Deloreans set up on multiple levels, which would rise out of small loading rooms so the movie could be viewed. The cars would move along with the action on the screen. It was all a very advanced design for its time, but after riding The Amazing Adventures of Spider-man at Universal's other park, Island's of Adventure, BTTF just can't compare on the thrill scale.

And this makes me sad, of course. I always loved the Back to the Future films, particularly Christopher Lloyd's eccentric and jumpy Doc Brown. And the car! Who DOESN'T adore the Delorean time machine? True, it's got zero trunk space to speak of but it's so cool-looking!

Sadly, this is a cold hard truth of the theme park industry: the problem of space. Walt Disney faced the same troubles building Disneyland, which is why he was so glad to build Disney World on acres and acres of Florida swamp and scrub. Even still, there are many attractions that eventually go on the Yesterland, the 'other' magical land where attractions like Mr. Toad and Horizons go after they die.

And Universal has their own Boneyard as well, home to the old Nickelodeon Studios (back when Nick was cool), the Hitchcock show, and the once mighty King Kong attraction.

It's a sad loss of such an important icon. As long as I can remember, Universal brought up visions of Kong, E.T., Jaws, The Terminator and, of course, Back to the Future. But this is the business.

Already they're dismantling the ride. Intrepid park-goers have managed to snap pictures of Delorean parts outside the back of the attraction. The queue featured oh so many cool gimmicks and recreated movie-props like the hoverboard (those boards don't work on water, unless you got power!).

And with what is probably one of the worst kept secrets in the industry, there's already a new attraction in the works to replace BTTF: a Simpson's-themed attraction! Chances are, the ride will use the same basic IMAX simulator system with theme differences--and if they time it right, it'll be open right about the same time the movie finally hits theaters. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for The Simpsons, they've provided years of quality entertainment... but when you put the two franchises on the scale... I just can't make the justification. I would rather rework the original BTTF ride before scrapping it altogether--the technology certainly is there. But who am I? I'm just a fanatic--and fanatics can't be trusted to make 'smart business decisions.'

Anyways, I want to leave you all with a treat: it turns out the entire ride is available ONLINE at YouTube--and this isn't some crappy homemade video--this is the actual ride footage, complete with the in car monitor shots of Doc and Biff. You'll note the screen footage has that spherical distortion that comes with the IMAX dome projection. It's a very cool thing for those of you who may have never been able to experience the ride for yourself. Heck, for the full experience, just lean around and jump in your seat--that's pretty much it.

Farewell, Back to the Future. Your place in history is certain and you shall never be forgotten.

you may have heard. you may not have. i am not keeping this horror to myself.

Screech has a new pornographic film.


yes, Screech. Dustin Diamond. this photo is the Screech we all would prefer to remember... if we must remember him at all. he was the innocent dork who walked a line between charmingly annoying and horrifically annoying.

we would all grow up and stop watching "Saved by the Bell", but it did continue without us. you may have stumbled upon later painful seasons with Screech as assistant principal to the exhausted Belding. this was bad, but now it seems like nothing. i would much prefer returning to the days when seeing a bearded Screech was the extent of my disgust.

i refuse to watch any part of the video, but previews are out there: at good ol' TMZ.

just that one opening still shot of him in the tub makes my eyes water, and i'm not putting it up here. BUT IT GETS SO MUCH WORSE. if you keep reading the article, you will find a paragraph that will strike fear into your soul. if you only want a small hint, it may be of particular interest to a member of our staff. for your mental protection, i have used invisible text below, and you'll hafta highlight it to see.

"It ends with Diamond introducing one of the women to a "Dirty Sanchez." Suffice it say, it is unbelievably graphic.

if any of you jokingly link me to the video or its screenshots, you will feel my ginger kid wrath. that is all.

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it."

PS3 price cut - in Japan only

It's no secret in the video game industry that when a new system launches, it's usually very hard to come by for the first six months to a year. It's happened with the N64, the PS2, the Xbox, the Xbox 360 and the PSP.

Now, with expectations for the PS3 to already have a very limited system launch, Sony has cut the PS3 price in Japan by about 20%. Note that this only applies to the weaker 20GB version of the PS3 and not its 60GB brother.

I find it sickening that a corporation would stoop so low as to create high demand for its product right out of the chute as opposed to raking in the already absorbent amounts of green hardcore gamers would pay for a system that will likely be plagued with bugs for a year and never see a price tag higher than its initial $600 monstrosity. It's like Sony (and Microsoft, in some cases) are specializing in making the less fortunate feel inferior to those with the resources and cash to buy a system immediately. You don't have one? You're not cool. Now obsess over it until we put more on the shelves.

Gaming is an addiction we are all guilty of.

In closing, I want to quote the author of the article, Adrian Kingsley-Hughes:

"I'm certainly left feeling the PS3 is vastly overpriced, and now Sony have confirmed this. I now know that it's at least 20% too expensive."

Served.

I've seen every episode of every season of Survivor, and last night there was a big first. On week two, mind you, a tribe threw a competition on purpose just to vote out another member of their own tribe.

Any guesses on which ethnic team decided to make this risky decision?


link to last weeks post

okay, show of hands. how many of you feel your lives have been irreparably harmed by hearing rhymes on the playground?

example: Girls go to Mars to get candy bars, Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider

Book of Verses Called "Inappropriate" - Mainetoday.com

this small book of 50 rhymes was given out to children across the state as part of the "Read with ME" literacy program (ME = Maine). the effectiveness of the program and our lovely governor is not in question today. a handful of parents are actually complaining and writing letters, calling "Schoolyard Rhymes" inappropriate. i'm sure the Mars & Jupiter rhyme is the most offensive of the bunch, because there's nothing else of note showing up in the news.

i'm not at all surprised to see the main complainer coming from Hampden. this odd pocket of the state seems to host a large group of ultraconservative yuppies. i went to high school there. that is one reason i'm screwed up, not because my childhood friends and i frolicked around singing "beans beans the magical fruit."

my impression of morbidly conservative whiners: "just look at the cover of the book. even that's inapproriate. there are two phalluses (phalli?): a pickle and a rolling pin. nevermind that the wielded rolling pin obviously symbolizes domestic abuse. and look at that jumprope... it's so long! its presence represents discrimination against shorter children and the physically challenged. oh, and WAIT! i think both the pickle and the lemon are boys... HOMOSEXUALS! BURN BURN BURN!" too much? i don't think so. being offended by "liar liar pants on fire" is just as insane.

i, for one, am always glad to see kids encouraged to read, even if it is that goddamned annoying Harry Potter. give them books! even silly rhymes are great; practicing them could help a budding poet emerge. you never know. i can't wait until these same parents complain about "Romeo and Juliet" when their kids reach high school. unless they live in Hampden... they won't be taught literature there.

to the parents who think they need to "protect" their kids from such small things: keep in mind what happens to the human spirit when oppressed.

"Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn't designed to catch mice at all, but to protect little cheese "gems" from burglars."

As ye well know, it be a special day today! Fer today only, ye should watch ye werds lest ye be keel-hauled like all the other swabs, fer it be TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY!

There be TWO sites where X marks the spot. The first be the official port o' call fer Talk Like A Pirate Day: talklikeapirate.com.

And the second treasure be something totally diff'rent.

Enjoy, me mateys, yarrrrrrrrrrrrr... .

i don't know HOW i forgot to post this the other day.

Death by Marshmallow.

exactly what my mother feared.

many of us played games like this: chant "chubby bunny" repeatedly while progressively stuffing your mouth with marshmallows until it becomes impossible to say. ...and you choke and die.

you may recall a little girl a few years ago who met also met this unfortunate death. there is, of course, no way to stop people from doing foolish things like this. i know a lot of us will go home tonight and try chubby bunny again. and we have the right to! the idea of a public contest at a fair is a bit disturbing, however. people will assume it's safe.

apparently the contest coordinators in Canada don't obey Oprah like most of America. apparently she has a good point sometimes! "Two of those segments, she [Oprah] ended her show pointing at the camera saying 'Don't play chubby bunny.'" now you can feel better by picturing Oprah herself shoving marshmelons into her face.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to repeat.

WII comes out November 19th! On a Sunday!

It comes with Wii sport, a Wiimote, and a Nunchuku. (Nunchuck. Numchuck?)

Its only going to cost a mere $249.99 and will come with Wii Sports! It’s probably designed to help you understand how to use the Wii.

I plan on purchasing Twilight Princess, Smash Bros. Brawl, and Mario Galaxies at launch. Why? Because this is the first console launch ever that I can buy a system the day it comes out! All my life I’ve always been the poor kid with no money and who has to wait 2 weeks after all the rich kids have played their shiny new consoles 336 hours straight to play the new consoles. (I actually beat Mario 64 at a Toys R Us when it launched, I walked there after school for 3 days and never let anybody else play when the N64 launched.

Ah yes, the next era in video gaming is finally upon us, and I’m very glad I don’t have a girlfriend.


Does the Sunday launch date strike anybody as odd?

The new season of Survivor has started, but even if you dont watch, or even worse, hate reality shows, please do me a small favor anyway. Pick someone off this list of players and put your decision in the comments. Lets see if you can pick out the winner of the million dollars.

Ill be keep track, and let you know of the on-goings.

this past weekend, we met the almighty Bruce. he's traveling around doing book signings for "Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way", which was just released in paperback. it was definitely worth the trip and the wait. he was as funny as you'd expect, and was conversational with every fan. and his people provided Skittles.

i bought the book there but haven't actually read it aside from looking at all the illustrations. i did, however, finish the audiobook a couple weeks ago. it was fantastic... i wish more people were into audiobooks so there'd be others as good. he keeps you in it for the entire five hours or whatever. a lot of narrators sound awful bored around hour three. he had sound effects and other people doing voices. that may not sound impressive, but if you listened to audiobooks you'd appreciate the effort put in, and i told him i did.

the humor is just how i like it: a mix of irony, cynicism, sarcasm, and downright goofiness.

"Make Love" is about Bruce's wacky adventures surrounding the making of a not-B-movie staring Richard Gere and Rene Zellweger. he curiously lands the role as a doorman and frantically tries to do well in his first chance to be in a big movie and actually have lines. he tries to teach Richard how to be a normal dude. he studies acting in all the corny ways, from reading textbooks to getting hired in various real jobs. things quickly get crazy. the movie starts to fall apart due to suspicious circumstances and Bruce's obsession with the situation grows. he doesn't take long to become a wanted criminal and land on the FBI's watch list for those who may endanger Colin Powell.

unfortunately, this book is complete fiction. it's fun to pretend it all happened, and i recommend you do that. the plot strikes a balance between plausibility and complete lunacy--i could actually imagine it happening. to Bruce. no one else could pull it off.

Lets welcome this beautiful little darling into the media for her entire life. Any predictions on what she'll do, or when she'll do her first performance?

1962 - 2006
R.I.P

Ok guys, I don't post this sort of thing very often, but I thought I might for those who are interested.

Every year I share my birthday weekend with Jerry Lewis. His Muscular Dystrophy Association telethon (in it's 41st year) occurs on Labor Day weekend. Some of you may have seen your local fire fighters doing their annual boot drives this week.

When my siblings and cousins were growing up, one adult in the family would call in and pledge $10 for each kid we had at the time. Now I'm the grown up, and I'm the one pledging the money each year.

If you happen to see one of those firemen, and you have some spare change lying around, feel free to drop it in the boot. It's for a good cause.

Link to the site. MDA organization The show's in Vegas this year! Chris, if you see Jerry, tell him I said hey!

End transmission.